Counter-Dependence and What it Means

» Posted by on Jan 16, 2018 in Alpha Blog | 0 comments

Counter-Dependence and What it Means

Counter-dependence is a term that is mostly only used by professionals in the mental health field, but it is more prevalent than you may believe. Counter-dependence refers to a condition where a person has a deep aversion to and avoidance of depending on others. People who suffer from this have a true fear of depending on others and do anything they can to avoid it.

This condition can cause many problems for those affected by it for obvious reasons. Never depending on anyone or allowing anyone to help you would be a very hard way of life. Although there are different causes, the most common cause is being neglected during childhood by a parent or parents. This neglect isn’t necessarily a lack of food or shelter, but more so a lack of emotional connection that is usually solidified within the first 10 years of a child’s life. If the connection is never made, it can cause a person to feel completely alone all the time, and they begin feeling safe being alone and being connected or depending on someone for a connection just doesn’t feel right.

Because people with this condition learn from a very young age that connecting with others is not only unimportant, but that it is not a good thing, they have a hard time ever showing others that they care, getting close to others, or “allowing people in”. Although these people feel safe and crave being alone, human nature makes them long companionship and connection, so they often feel conflicted and misunderstood. People who suffer from this often have the feeling of “being alone in a crowded room” or being alone when surrounded by loved ones. This loneliness and detachment can cause depression, anxiety and even suicidal tendencies.

A few of the main signs that someone is suffering from counter-dependence are your spouse or significant other complains that you are distant and don’t let them in, you always want to do things for yourself even when it complicates matters, people have told you that you are distant or stand-offish, your feel lonely all the time, and you often fantasize that you weren’t in your current life or you could run off and be completely alone somewhere that no one knows you.

If you think you may have a counter-dependence issue, there is help available. Professionals can help you treat the underlying factors and situations that have led to having a counter-dependent approach to relationships and people. If you are interested in seeking help, we have trained counselors available for you. Contact us today for more information.


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