Why Trusting Yourself is Important

» Posted by on Aug 28, 2016 in Alpha Blog | 0 comments

Why Trusting Yourself is Important

If you have recently come out of an abusive or hard relationship, you may have trust issues. While it is important to learn to trust others again, focusing on trusting yourself may be even more important. Being in a dishonest or abusive relationship can warp your sense of self, and even make you question your own feelings and sanity. It is extremely important to learn to trust yourself and to love yourself before you jump into a new relationship. After you learn to trust and love yourself, trusting someone else and truly letting them in will be much easier.

Part of the reason that trusting yourself is important is because you won’t jump into things with others, and then start questioning if you made a mistake. If you trust yourself, you will know when you are getting involved with someone who may not be the best fit for you. Also, if you can trust yourself, you will be better equipped to deal with tough situations in realtionships without catastrophizing them or simply running from the situation. Here are a few quick points of what to focus on to start rebuilding the trust in yourself:

  • Give yourself some credit. A nasty breakup can leave you reeling, and even leave you blaming yourself for not seeing “red flags”. But in reality, you probably did see the red flags, you probably just chose to ignore them. It happens, and it isn’t a reason to doubt your judgement or your intuition. One bad relationship choice doens’t mean that you are a failure. Just think of all of the times in your life that you felt something wasn’t right in a situation, a relationship, or a friendship that you were right about! Really think back to the times when you right about a person or a situation and made the right decision. Everyone makes mistakes, so take this situation and learn from it, but don’t allow it to hold you back from trusting yourself.
  • Decide exactly what you want. In order to keep yourself from falling into a relationship or a friendship that may be bad for you, make sure that you know what your expectations are. While no one is going to fit into a perfect image that you may have, it is important to have some boundaries and some ground rules for your relationships. For example, you may only want people in your life that have qualities like being positive, kind, respectful, honest, dependable, mature, motivated, confident, happy, and inspiring. If you keep your list of things that you expect from your relationships, it will help you focus on what you really want,and give you validation for your decisions. Keep in mind everyone slips once in awhile but if someone , in general, doesn’t have any of the qualities you expect, you can be confident in your decision to cut ties with that person.
  • Take time to observe others. Once you know what you want, it’s important to make sure that the people in your life actually meet your expectations. Again, no one is perfect so don’t expect that! Do take some time to reflect on the things that your friends or significant others say and do. Is their behavior proving that they are honest? Is their behavior proving that they are loyal? Are their words boosting you up or tearing you down? Are their words positive and uplifting or negative and draining? Taking the time to really look at the people in your life can help you realize why this person may not be healthy to be in your life.
  • Allow yourself privacy. Part of trusting yourself is knowing when and what to share with others. What you tell your best friend of 10 years would likely be different than what you tell someone on a first date. It’s important to really allow yourself that privacy while you are getting to know someone. Sometimes people feel like they want to let everything out right away when starting a new relationship so that they can “get everything out on the table”. This may actually give the other person amunition to manipulate you if their intentions aren’t genuine. Try to pace yourself with how much personal and intimate information you are giving out to those in your life.

If you have survived a nasty breakup or an abusive relationship and are concerned with your emotional state or your ability to trust yourself or others, please reach out to us today.

 

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